Didn't it just feel better...
that we just didn't do something impulsive?
- I mean... - Yes.
Now we actually have a shot at being friends...
for the rest of our lives.
The rest of our lives.
Okay, now for the celebration proper we got the military bands...
the right mix of seven speakers, no crybabies...
It's official. Paul, Doug and Rick are flying in from Florida.
Ruckus will reunite for this one evening.
How we doing on balloons?
I sent to Balloon City, I got a bunch of them.
And, Drew, my casket did come in from Lexington...
and I got to tell you, it's quite beautiful.
Look, Drew, I am getting the question constantly, okay?
Why isn't he buried in Elizabethtown?
It's not an insult to anybody here.
Well, is there such a thing as partial cremation?
Bill Banyon, how can you even say such a thing?
I know you all love my dad.
You can't dismiss my mother's wishes.
And we're not from California.
Jessie, can you do something about your son?
Yeah. All right.
A couple of good ass-kickings might be in line.
I think what Charles Dean wants to say...
I know what he's saying.
You all have different versions of him that you love a lot.
This is ours.
My family's record of the last thing he said on the subject.
That's the plan.
That is the way it's going to be, guys.
Sprinkled at sea!
Samson...
And that's the decision from California.
Shit. Oregon.
We really are from Oregon.
Don't make me come spank you. Leave him alone!
Jessie, I have something for you.
Samson, we're gonna watch this.
One second.
Hi. My name's Rusty.
I helped build this house a long time ago.
But wood-eating insects called termites...
have compromised the integrity of this once fine structure.
What's that sound?
So today, I'm gonna blow it up.
Silence.
Now...
if I blow this house up...
will you promise to behave and mind your mommy and daddy?
Yes!
Good.
Let's blow it up.
- Joe, we ready to go? - Yeah, Rusty, light it up.
Fire in the hole!
Three...
two...
one.
Now, let's build a new house.
Thank you for taking an interest in Jessie.
Feels good, doesn't it?
It's like Mitch is here.
I can see Mitch right now, so proud...
in that blue suit.
Can't you?
Stop the cremation!
- Stop the cremation! - What the hell's going on, man?
Hold on. Wait right here.
I'm sorry.
Here's your dad, man.
I agree with her.
It takes a year and a half to plan a wedding properly.
It does...
- Are you serious? - Yes.
This is Claire. I feel like I've known her my whole life.
He was at my door last night yelling, "Cindy, you get out here."
And I was like, "Chuck, not tonight! Not until we get married..."
Is that...
Hey, Mitch.
So, what happened to Ben?
There was a storm in Georgia. They grounded all the planes.
And he doesn't like to fly.
And now they want him to speak at some trustees event...
and trot out some big ideas.
Claire, I want to see you...
on the tour of Maker's Mark tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. Sharp.
- All right? - All right.
I love this girl!
You look great.
I'm a mess.
- You're crazy, Claire. You look amazing. - Thank you.
And this dress...
Did well on the personnel interview, though.
Right. The interview. I forgot.
I know. I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember.
Drew! Lovin' life, lovin' you.
Hey, missed you at the rehearsal dinner.
- Claire? - Yeah?
Let's show Mitch the site of his memorial.
"Chuck and Cindy, the wedding!"
Here you go, Dad.
Welcome to the annual meeting of people who...
annually meet!
- And we'll see you all again next year. - Very nice. Come on.
I'm just going to say right now what we're not saying...
and let the chips fall, let the chips fall...
let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, I may be embarrassing myself, but I'm just going to say it.
I like you!
What?
I think you should eat something.
I've been starving myself all week long!
- For Ben. - Man, I'm gonna eat.
- We'll eat in my room. - Room service?
I want cheese and cheese-related things.
No, eggs and fries. With cheese on everything.
- Cheese it is. - Cheese and Coca-Cola.
And don't worry.
Because as great as you look tonight, you are safe with me.
Of course, it's safe. It's a full moon.
- I look good. - You do look good.
I'm wearing these clothes. I mean...
Have you ever had unlucky clothes?
This dress that you like?
Good things have not happened to me in this dress.
But I saw it tonight and I said:
"I'm gonna give you one more chance."
And I refuse to be let down by this dress again.
Anyway, forget all that.
You're here, and we're together, and it's a get-out-of-jail-free card.
It's almost midnight.
Life cannot be so cruel that we don't deserve to be together...
to eat.
- Hi, Chuck. - Hey, Cindy.
Wait. Where's Mitch?
I left him in the ballroom.
I'm sorry Ben missed the flight.
He forgot?
No storm in Georgia. No trustees.
No big ideas.
- What a fucking jerk. - He's not a jerk.
He's a brilliant man who gives himself permission to be preoccupied.
Come on.
You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life...
that things maybe really are black and white!
And this guy, Ben, who clearly takes you for granted...
who serially takes advantage of you, is bad!
And what I am saying is good. See what I mean?
You shouldn't be the substitute for anybody.
This guy should be right here, right now, doing this.
Maybe so.
He's lucky I'm not the right person for you.
I know why it's not you, but just tell me...
so I can see it from your perspective.
See, I know what you deserve.
What do I deserve?
You deserve...
a guy who says:
"I can't imagine a world without you.
"We will start a winery when we are 70.
"We will snowboard every December, and one year take our kids.
"And we will always have the twin red Lexuses...
"with the license plates reading: 'Chuck and Cindy."'
You deserve all this and more.
It's not you, I know.
- Please don't take this as rejection. - I really don't.
Ben's very lucky. All we did was kiss.
Most of the sex I've had in my life was not as personal as that kiss.
I'm putting on my shoes now.
Excuse me. Sorry.
I'm walking out the door...
in last night's clothes.
"Hey, Claire. Don't leave.
"Stay. Let's have breakfast."
I will miss your lips and everything attached to them.
See you, Mitch.
Claire, you slut!
- Claire! Swear to God! - Claire!
Wait up!
Just tell me you love me and get it over with.
Claire, I'm just going to say this because you deserve it.
It's not easy for me, but here goes.
Four days ago...
I lost a major American shoe company...
Frankly, you could round it off to one billion dollars!
And by tomorrow afternoon, everyone will know.
Something's gonna be published that pinpoints me as the most...
spectacular failure in the history of my profession...
which is all I know how to do.
And I've been here this whole time trying to be responsible and charming...
and live up to this success...
that doesn't exist.
All I really want...
is to not be here.
I'm sorry.
I have a very dark appointment with destiny.
That's my secret.
That's who I am.
That's it?
Yes, that's it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I guess I just thought a small part of you might be a small bit sad to see me go.
But I guess this is all mostly about a shoe.
Of course, I'm sad about you.
But this is just a little bit bigger than you and me!
And by the way, I didn't say million. I said billion!
A billion dollars!
That's a lot of million!
So, you failed.
- No, you don't get it. - All right, you really failed.
You failed, you failed, you failed.
You failed, you failed, you...
You think I care about that?
I do understand.
You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers.
Not accept blame and bow and say:
"Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now."
"Phil's mean to me..." So what?
I don't cry.
You want to be really great?
Then have the courage to fail big and stick around.
Make them wonder why you're still smiling.
That's true greatness to me.
But...
don't listen to me, I'm a Claire.
- Well, thank you, Claire. - You're welcome.
Now would you quit trying to break up with me?
You're always trying to break up with me...
and we're not even together.
I know.
Wait.
We're not?
Of course not.
We're the substitute people, remember?
I'll see you at Mitch's memorial, if I can make it.
All right, when I give you the signal pull the pulley slowly across.
All right, slow and soulful.
Will do. Slow and soulful.
- She came! - That is her.
That is her. That's Hollie.
Hollie!
- Hollie. - It's really good to see you.
- You look more beautiful than ever. - Thank you.
Mitch wrote letters. Never once sent an e- mail.
He was always there for me.
Where are you, Mitch?
And I loved him.
And y'all know that.
I loved him!
Even though he moved to California...
God love him, he always came back to his roots.
And I will miss his laugh.
I don't have anything funny to say.
And I don't have a funny story to tell.
I will tell you, it wasn't easy for Mitch to leave the military...
and start over again in California.
And I apologize, per se, for my role in that deal, per se.
And to all of you who put this evening together...
it has gone beautifully, and thank you.
- Lena, it hasn't hit him yet. - It will. It will.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Hollie Baylor.
I want you to stay awake for this, all right?
I'm a little nervous.
But here we are.
It's been a while.
There was this shorthand of a long marriage.
We were complete opposites, and it worked.
The plan was to send...
my son to represent the family.
I was terrified that you would look at me and see...
that woman from California who took him away.
Even though we only lived in California as a family...
for 18 months, 27 years ago...
I always... felt it.
All because I was standing in an elevator in Tokyo...
and this handsome captain walked in...
on his way home to Elizabethtown.
And he was engaged. And so was I.
And somehow I hijacked him and took him to Disneyland!
But something happened between us...
that was not part of the plan.
We were in love.
Let me tell you a little bit about life without Mitch.
I wanted to get to know about Mitch's car...
and it actually ate me.
I went to the bank and the teller looked at me strangely...
and I got home and I looked at myself in the mirror...
and my face was still green from a facial mask...
that I had forgotten to take off.
And I called our insurance man of 30 years...
whose son Mitch had actually helped to get into West Point...
to tell him that Mitch was gone.
He didn't call me back for two days.
The car, the bank, the insurance man, the world.
I mean, nobody truly cared.
Not like us.
I always wanted to learn to tap dance...
so I took tap dance lessons.
And I wanted to learn... Yeah, I did.
And I wanted to learn to cook organically...
and so I attempted that.
And I fixed the toilet.
Yeah. All by myself.
And I wanted to learn to laugh.
Why couldn't I be funnier when Mitch was alive?
But you know, I figured it out. It takes time to be funny...
and it takes time to extract joy from life.
So I enrolled in comedy school.
Yeah, I did. I know, I know.
I was the oldest one in the class. Thank you.
And we were told to tell a story.
Something true, something that really happened to us.
So I got up there and I talked about my husband...
and the love he left behind.
A few days after Mitch died...
I was walking through the yard and I saw our neighbor...
who was a very good friend of Mitch's, Bob...
and he saw me coming through the gate...
and he said, "I am so sorry for your loss."
And I knew that he needed to feel that loss, too...
and to share it, and I wanted to help him.
And he put his arms around me, he cradled me...
and his embrace tightened.
Finally, here was somebody who truly cared.
And then...
I felt something else.
Something huge.
Let's just say it, let's just say it!
A boner.
I know.
A boner, that's what I get.
That's what I get for trying to do everything myself.
Boner Bob, my neighbor.
Oh, dear.
He rooted for all of you.
I love you.
This is for you, your favorite song...
on a Saturday night.
Well, you really brought everybody together...
I'll give you that.
I have this thing for you.
It's a very unique map.
It's for your road trip home.
Right, a map.
You promised. Remember?
No. No, I do, I remember.
This is for you, Mitch.
Free Bird, huh?
- Well, I better get back to... - Ben.
He finally made it.
Does Ben even exist?
Just call me when you get home...
and not until.
I want you to get into the deep...
beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened.
It's a great map.
- Jessie! - Just keep going!
Oh, my God!
I am a licensed flight attendant! Use this exit, please!
As a specialist in the field of last looks...
this one was pretty iconically Claire.
Friends and neighbors, we are gathered here...
to say our final goodbyes to our dear friend...
Mitch.
Come on, General.
The route of Claire's map...
with accompanying music and detailed instructions...
would take 42 hours...
and 11 minutes.
"Turn on ignition."
"Begin your journey and do not skip ahead."
She had laid out the entire road trip...
and timed it to music she herself had put on CDs.
The songs, of course, were classic mix tape songs.
About her, of course.
And the rich flurry of our almost romance.
60B.
This is The Hombres.
And she had even provided music for what would happen next.
Down to the minute.
You have five minutes to wallow in the delicious misery.
Enjoy it, embrace it, discard it...
and proceed.
Here is a river leading to the Mississippi.
"This is America," she wrote.
And if everybody gets a vote where their Mitch gets buried...
here are a few where my Mitch gets buried.
Or scattered.
"Pause for 30 minutes for the greatest chili in the world."
And elsewhere in Memphis.
This would be a good time to stop in at Earnestine & Hazel's...
and say hello to Russ.
How you doing?
He's hung onto the place for 38 long years.
He'll tell you a few stories.
Look. Look at this. That's the blues!
And just around the corner, the Lorraine Motel.
The hotel balcony where Martin Luther King drew his last breath.
His death was only the beginning of his victory.
You go across the bridge traversing Mark Twain's muse...
Jeff Buckley's funeral bed...
as the night air whips through your hair...
around your face, and out the other window.
You can feel the soul of that dark water even as you arrive on the other side.
Some music needs air.
Roll down your window.
- All right! Good! - I love you, Daddy.
I love you too, Drew. Where do you want to go?
- Tucky. - Kentucky?
Good morning.
How you doing?
The Survivor Tree.
It's my favorite tree in the world.
And I like trees.
"This once highly-anticipated product...
"may actually cause an entire generation to return to bare feet."
Sadness is easier because it's surrender.
I say, make time to dance alone...
with one hand waving free.
Look at us.
You with your many almost-great projects, me with my fiasco.
Oh, God.
Both of us working so hard...
for what?
We should have taken this trip years ago.
And the fact that I wanna go home and kill myself is really not your fault.
For what? For Phil?
No!
Don't get lost.
Proceed to the second largest farmer's market in the world...
located on...
The Second Largest Farmer's Market in the World Boulevard...
for some essentials for the rest of your journey home.
Go to the pet area. Look inside the book about springer spaniels.
Find a pair of Späsmoticas on display...
and look inside.
Here you have reached a fork in the map.
You can go to your car and the rest of the directions will take you home.
Or...
look for a girl in a red hat...
who's waiting for you with an alternate plan.
No true fiasco...
ever began as a quest for mere adequacy.
A motto of the British Special Service Air Force is:
"Those who risk, win."
A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement.
The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody...
on its quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream...
against the current, with a single purpose.
Sex, of course.
But also...
life.
Ripped by: SkyFury